...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
