if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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