Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
