my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Come share oat with me in your robe
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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