Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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