Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
