I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
