I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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