If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
why is half of my head shaved?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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