I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize