The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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