Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
