I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
