Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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