About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
