...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
