Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
