I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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