gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
