listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
