worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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