I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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