I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
