someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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