i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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