I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
