i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
