Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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