sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
