Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
