i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
