Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
