remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
