hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
