4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
