It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
