covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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