her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize