somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
