oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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