from now on my penis is your penis
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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