I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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