yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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