no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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