I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
