I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I will die if light touches me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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