I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
