i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize