he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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