Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
