just tell him i said nine months
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
