fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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