my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize