By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize