We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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