wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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