how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
