Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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