Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
