it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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