Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
