chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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