I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
