I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
