So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
