Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
