He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
