I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
