somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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