I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
